It's Already December

Wow! It is already December and 2013 is coming to a finale.

Last month we spent Thanksgiving with my family in LB and visited my mother-in-law in Mo town. Time with everyone was really good and relaxing. My niece did an awesome job with all the food.

This month we are taking one last fling with our annual passes and visiting the "Happiest place on earth." Going to spend the weekend and Monday. We get to use our friend's RV so it is less expensive than a hotel. Our plan is to take it slow and easy, we have been there so many times so hope we can really do that.

Work has been real busy. We have one caseworker out on medical leave until after the first of the year and this week the other worker was also out. Thank God for a temporary that the agency has hired for three days a week.

Our son is in the process of purchasing a home and is sort of excited. I think it is a good step for him at this time in life. The closing of escrow is scheduled for December 19 which is his birthday. How awesome is that!?  We've had a great friend assist us in the whole process which has been up and down with emotions because of various factors involved in monthly payment amount, but as of now it looks like a go!

Christmas time will probably find us back a LB and visiting Mo town again.

See ya later!

Blogging

What is the inspiration to take to blogging?

Possible answer:  You are driven by some unseen force to put written words expressing your emotions, experience or other attribute of the moment. It is an exuding of the mind for self and possibly others who can benefit from the composition. Or maybe there is absolutely no benefit at all.

I am not always moved to write long compositions. It may be a brief essay on a totally off-the-wall subject that has materialized within my brain and must be expressed through writing it out.

On this particular occasion I am resigned to allowing my thoughts to wonder, hoping that eventually there will be coherency to the page. Only time will tell. And it may be a long time…………….

Happy Birthday to Me

Well, today is my birthday. The body tells me I am getting older but my mind wants to return to my youth. I have been blessed to live for 68 years on this planet earth. Yes, I have had challenges with some failures but also successes. As the sole surviving sibling of six, I am challenged to live my life span to God’s limit, be it 92 years or longer. My disappointment is in the times that I now live--- so much disruption. But technology has expanded exponentially during my lifetime, and that is a good thing.

I would love to retire, but I continue to work fulltime at the present, with some uncertainty about next year. My financial commitments hold me down at this time; I pray for a breakthrough soon.

The test of essential tremor haunts my daily life. The skill of penmanship continues to deteriorate. But I thank God for the technology of computers and “siri” that eases my written communication ability.

Participation in ministry is never an option that I opt out on. Sources may degrade and ignore me but they cannot take the spirit of God from me. I refuse to surrender to the will of human decisions that interfere with what God has called me to do. This interference only motivates me to achieve clear direction and passion for that which was implanted in me long ago. You can disown me and defeat me in your own realm; however, I refuse to succumb to that attitude.

So as I conclude this brief document, it is apparent that age has tempered my being. Although there is a weakening in the physical there is strength of thought processes. Residuals of stubbornness may resonate in my life but it serves as a catalyst for expressing the truth.

Reflections

Sometimes it is necessary to come to a stop in our activities and assess our life and progress. It's a time of reflection. This is my recent reflection:

I’ve had a tough few hands dealt my way in the last few years, like most humans at points in their life. I am thankful for the lessons all of them have taught me. My focus is to use the lessons in avoiding going around the same mountain again.

When I entered fulltime ministry in 1998 I had big dreams of leading a large congregation as a senior pastor, with staff and all the accoutrements adjoined thereto. This was in spite of the tiny congregation I was appointed to serve. Well, because of organization structure that pipe dream was mostly nightmares.  Yes, there were good things that happened but there were so many bad things that seemed to overpower the good. I will fault myself for not adhering to the rightful guidance of Scripture in performance of my vocation, but I refuse to take all the blame. Traditions of men and rules of organization usurped so much of God’s plan that it was impossible to keep ends together. Ministry moves on in a different perspective now for me. I leave the politics of such to those aspiring to make names for themselves.

My personal life has been healthy in the physical with the exception of the essential tremor that worsens. My spiritual man was often very sick; I suffered from abandonment by my peers, criticism from the congregation, and many side effects like bitterness tried to grip my very person. But  through time healing and wholeness has come and I am secure in who I am as never before. At times I become opinionated and irritated. But, I know my redeemer lives!

All of my siblings have now passed and I remain on earth to do as God sees fit. I was blessed to have them all as part of my natural family.  I know my days are numbered by God and my trust rests in him. My youth is gone, but I want my wisdom blessed of God to assist me in doing His work. I know I have much to give to others when opportunity arises.

May I always see more than me. The mirror reflects our image. I want to reflect the image of my God. I choose joy in all that confronts me and the reflection reveals the Christ in me.

Another Loss

Death has taken my last sibling. On Saturday, September 28, 2013, my oldest brother, Merle aged 92 passed from this life. Someone giving their condolences commented that I am now the oldest. I’m not sure how I want to take that. He had fallen and subsequently in rehab suffered a stroke; ironically a story parallel to our father’s last days in 1988.

This brother was one I saw very little of during my lifetime. He was a tease when he came around me. He liked to pinch me and give me a knuckle rub on my head. He favored cigars or cigarillos as best I can recall.  He was a grocer most of his life.

I knew very little of his personal life because he didn’t talk about it much. He was a two time Purple Heart recipient as a WWII veteran. He had recently got to visit the WWII memorial in Washington, D.C. , travelled to Hawaii and Alaska where he had served in the Seventh Infantry. Information on his war time service came through other inquisitive family members. I have the telegram sent to mom and dad explaining that he was wounded in action. He was 25 years my senior.

There was apparently some competition between him and our other brother, Lester, who passed in July at age 90. They would have brief exchanges and bantering about the two different units they were assigned to. It was good to know he was always checking on Les the last few years.

I do remember the times one of my nephews and I would spent the night with him and his wife back in the 50’s. One time I went with him to his grocery store in Fresno and he sat me at a desk with a cigar box full of short pencils and crayons and I began my “career” of sitting at a desk and doing paperwork.

I recall the one time he lived in Salinas and he had purchased a new small car; yep, a Mercury Comet. His wife, Frances, commented that it would bounce all over if it ran over a pea in the road.

He worked and lived in Santa Cruz County as a candy and cigarette salesman for a while. The company provided him with a Morris Minor to drive and he served Santa Cruz and Monterey Counties.

One Christmas all the immediate family celebrated in Santa Cruz at my sister’s house and packages were opened and the front room was full of crumpled wrapping paper. My dad helped pick it all up and take it to an incinerator in the back yard where the next day it was burned. This was before the EPA. They scoured the house for one of his gifts that was missing, a very expensive pair of Florsheim shoes. The shoes were discovered burnt to a crisp in the backyard incinerator. I think there was an 8mm film clip in the family archives showing the charred remains. The family had a good laugh at the expense of my dad, especially all us younger ones.

He came to our house once after the passing of an aunt or uncle, and after the funeral he went out with the uncles, our mom’s younger brothers, to a bar and ended up in a scuffle resulting in a broken jaw. He was stuck for about three days staying with us because he could only drink fluid through a straw. I was ecstatic because my older brother finally stayed overnight in our house.

Merle was at the height of his glory when Frances and he were able to finally bring Julie into their family. This was a real moment of becoming a father for him. Julie has served him so well in his last years. I am proud of her and glad she is one of my nieces.

Several years ago, Merle drove himself to the hospital feeling he was having a heart attack. It shook him up a bit. Shortly afterward he voluntarily surrendered his driver’s license. He used buses and motorized scooter to get around until it was determined the scooter wasn’t safe. He was active and high energy right to the end, living alone in his single-wide trailer.

I didn’t have much contact with him in the latter years except for occasional phone calls. He had begun to suffer from dementia. But he did know who I was, little Larry.

I know I have written much of his story here because there are 92 years of history. But at this time this is what comes to mind. Rest in Peace, Merle.

Your Little Brother misses you.

Reunion

A few weeks ago I received a “heads-up” for my upcoming 50^th class reunion. Yes, it has been that long since I left the school campus with my high school diploma in hand.

I don’t know how time went by so fast! A lot of stuff was going on in 1963 that I wasn’t even aware of. I was 17 and naïve. I had certain faith based values and knew a few things. I struggled to maintain a grade average that was not too bad and often felt cheated out of honor roll.

It seems that I was just another number in a class of just over 200. I didn’t care for the social life on campus or off. I do remember the names of many fellow students who probably never gave one thought to me.

At moments I would like to attend the reunion but then again I am not the social type that would feel comfortable in that particular setting. Perhaps it has a lot to do with my essential tremors that would draw unwanted attention or comments from those who are somewhat crass in their assessment.  Or maybe it is the “party spirit” of the world that makes me uncomfortable. My career has taken me down that road often. No, it is not insecurity now; I have a hope of eternity that reaches beyond the small mentality of this world into Heaven where there is a place for ME!

It is sad to learn of the many that have passed from this life and are no longer with us. My prayer is that they had assessed their need of a relationship with God through Christ and have crossed into that place He has prepared for them.

Surviving fellow classmates, I encourage you to run the race with God at your side and let him see you to the finish line. Do not succumb to the ways of man and fall into the pit of eternal damnation. Look to Jesus, the author and finisher of your faith. Remember, you have no promise to make it to any future reunion. But it will be so great to make the reunion in Heaven!

The Kind of September

The words of a song come to mind, "try to remember the kind of September" as I write this blog. I do find is difficult to remember what has happened in the short-term; is that a sign of dementia?  Lord, I hope not.

One of the reasons I write this blog is to stimulate the memory and keep things on even-keel as much as possible. If I wait to long, things tend to get out of perspective and skewed a bit chronologically. And sometimes my opinion gets in the way of facts if I wait too long to make a written declaration. Of course my post will always have a bias in my favor in as much as possible.

We have had a season of "HOT" weather. My energy level has declined. The yard work at the house gets done, but not the way I want. The backyard flower beds have weeds galore, but they are green right now.

With everyone's help, Carolyn and Micah, we got the spa up and running again and it is good therapy even though it is still hot in the evening. Carolyn thoroughly cleaned the inside after we filled it an drained it once to get the "yuk" out. So far it is really clean and better than I remember it being before. Carolyn was also able to get some household work done to clean up our bedroom. I still have a closet to get repaired.

Micah just started his 12 hour shifts for harvest. He was hoping to get another job before harvest but it hasn't worked out yet.

Our church starts the new Journey Group sessions this week, so as coaches we were busy all Sunday morning getting groups signed up.

The application for my work grant has come through and so the next few weeks I will be putting the application together so I can continue working through 2014.

I know this isn't a lot of remembering but that's the story for this post.........

I did forget to mention that our dog, Titus, took a great dislike to me recently and has bit me twice. Once on the right index finger and once on my left second toe. I'm still limping.
 

Just Dealing With It

I’m wondering what I can ponder on today. There certainly are a lot of things on my mind but I’m not sure some of them are worth posting in a blog. It can even be that this particular post is of little value.

It has been hard to maintain the peace among those I consider family and friends. Of late it appears that several family members have become disgruntled with me over things I’ve addressed and expressed opinions about.  It is unfortunate for them to sever ties over such insignificant matters that they refuse to respond to. 

I find it really sad that these are ones who are spiritual and hold office and calling of ministry. What an example to set before your people. Of course the master of deception loves keeping them in his grip of self-righteousness.

I acknowledge that I could be in error in some of my opinions, but that should not give rise to isolating me from discussion and contact. There must be some guilt associated with my statements and fear to confront the possibility they are wrong.

It is true you cannot please all the people all the time.  I refuse to live under the pressure of trying to make everyone happy. And  I also find it true that you cannot  please even all of them. 

My character and integrity will not be compromised by me over trivial and inconclusive evidence. There will be those who will attempt to assassinate my character and integrity, but it will be God who will make the final decision. I must remain surrendered to Him.

I must just deal with it and be certain it doesn't control my future.

My Brother

I just received a phone call (July 22, 2013) telling me my second oldest brother had breathed his last breath on this earth. His pain has ended and he went to sleep to awaken for us no more. It hurts my heart, but at 90 years of age he had lived a full life. Lester, we will all miss you.

He was a troubled youth who gave my parents fits as well as the school teachers and school truant officer. He escaped the truant officer by joining the California Conservation Corp, working on trails in Sequoia National Park.  All his minor illicit activity was put to rest years ago when he moved to Santa Cruz, California to get away from the environment. Prior to that he served in the US Army and attained the rank of tech sergeant. He served the end of WWII in the Pacific and went to Korea for the remainder of his service.

During other Mother’s memorial service in 1973 he told my pastor that he was the black sheep of the family. But truly through the years his heart was transformed and he became tender toward the things of God. Religion was not his thing, but he understood relationship.

He fathered four boys and finally a daughter. His wife tolerated his behavior for over 60 years. She has taken his passing extremely hard. Our prayers go out to her.

He was the “White Lady” of Ocean Drive who thrilled the youth with his antics at the abandoned building on Ocean Street extension, just a short distance from the house. He drove the gang of kids up and down Beach Street in the “jeep boat” to the thrill of many. I was not part of these episodes but his boys and their cousins and friends were the experienced ones.

Gasoline wars were at their height in the 1950’s when he operated the Regal Station on Ocean Street. I remember the price at one time being as low as 25.9 cents a gallon. After selling the station he worked in construction until retiring.

He was a Waggonner. That ascribes to him the right to be stubborn and opinionated.

The last few years of his life were lived in much pain. He had adult onset of diabetes resulting in loss of his toes on one foot. He fell many times resulting in a broken hip. The last few months were the hardest. He was pretty much bedridden. Eventually his will to live diminished and God took him. All of his children got to be with Him on his last day along with some nieces and nephews.

He joins his two sisters and another brother along with mom and dad. Now there are two of us siblings remaining, ironically the oldest, aged 92 and the youngest, aged 67.

RIP, Les.

DRAMA

Well, I’ve just come through an astounding bit of drama. It seems as though social media opened a Pandora’s box of mess.

A family member came unglued over a social media post that was non controversial and responded in a defensive manner as though they had all the facts.  I in turn commented in defense of that commentator and caught more flak than a low flying B-25 over enemy territory.

After some short exchange I was quickly unfriended from the media source without explanation. I sent a private message via another media method and was bluntly told to leave them alone; so much for family and Christian love.  They told me they didn’t want my drama. Wow! What a pot!

The conclusion I draw from the whole scenario is, who cares for my input, so best just express it when I can and let the chips fall where they may.  I am entitled to my opinion and if it isn’t accepted then that becomes their problem. I can take the heat, but will defend my right to expression my opinion.

I have reserved myself and expressions far too long.  You can blame it on age, but I rather think I am wising up to those who think they know it all and are disrespectful of the human being I am. Maybe they will find peace with others of liberal mindedness and lack of respect. Birds of a feather flock together.

Enjoying the Journey With Little Things

Life is so full of hurry that we forget to stop and smell the roses. There is a need to return to a slower life, like children who have no cares and are dependent on elders to get them where they are headed.  Children observe little things along the way that seem so insignificant in whatever journey they are on. They seek the four leaf clover obscured by all the other grass on the ground, the tiny lady bugs, dandelions, shiny stones, and all sorts of irregularities along the path.

We get so involved in the humdrum of making a living. We are often bored out of our minds, failing to see the impact we can make through our routine workday. We struggle with the monotony of tasks without realizing it is a journey and this particular task is not our definitive goal but it can have rewarding times. The intermediate stages of production can interfere with our enjoyment of small things, we lose patience. Our tunnel vision keeps us looking only to the finality of life.

These things can bring frustration and unhappiness into our lives. We don’t like delay, we want to get there. Wherever “there” is remains a mystery that can only be revealed with observation of the little things along the way.

The journey through life has highs and lows. We need to be confident of a future and a hope, but concentrating on the end can often cause us to miss the beauty of small pleasures along the way. Take time to observe the little things that make up life and enjoy your journey. The rewards can be awesome and bring purpose to taking the journey. Take a lesson from the children.

Thinking

Well, here goes again . . .

Those scattered thoughts race through my mind. But I must say they don't really move as fast as they used to. Must be age.

The family issues are distressing at times when dealing with someone who has dementia, as is the case of my mom-in-law. There is strong opinions by family members and I have interceded on behalf of my wife to express some serious disappointment in their handling of matters. I truly belief they do not realize the ultimate consequences of their decisions. Time alone will tell. I remind my wife that they make their choices and will have to give account just as we will. We must leave it in God's hands for judgment.

The church we continue to attend and serve, Koinonia, is doing quite well I believe. Signs of progress are evident. In a large church some observations from my experience indicate a body led by sincere pastoral staff is where success comes. I wouldn't say there is perfection, but there is progress.

My work is stagnate but at least it is still there. Challenges do come and I enjoy assisting the clients I have. The staff are easy to work with in my office; the other office... well that's another story.

The end of the month we plan another road trip and visit to Disneyland Resort. Our dear friends are letting us once again take their RV. This is such a blessing and cuts the cost of our trip since the RV park is so much cheaper than a motel room for three nights.

And so my thoughts to compose are coming into "neutral" and I will place them in "park" and call it another post done.

Update

The past few weeks have been difficult for my mother-in-law referred to in my last post.

It seems as though the dementia has really taken a firm grip on her and she is deteriorating rapidly in her mental capacity. The frustration for my wife and I is over the probable instances leading to this incapacitation. Trying to comprehend her recent past life and concluding what brought her rapidly to this stage is frightening and angering as well. She remains in a skilled nursing facility that is two hours away for us.

The good news is the finallity in our son's situation. He now is free to move to the next level of relationship. The matter was costly but well worth the expense. It just seemed to take excessively too long for the matter to conclude. We are going to celebrate with another trip to DLR the end of May.

We are going to enjoy life. My wife and I will celebrate 30 years of marriage this July. I think it will be spent at the "Happiest Place on Earth", although that is subject to change.

My wife finally got her hair cut in a new do that was over due. I love it.

We have resigned from one of our assignments for the church as First Impressions team leaders. I felt it to be in our best interest to do so and concentrate on other areas of ministry. We still are part of the prayer-team and serve as Journey Group coaches. And I will be involved in Starting Point in the summer.

I'm waiting for news on my employment grant for 2014. It is delayed because of all the government budget junk going on. Being unsure of next year is creating some anxiety about our future.

All said and done, life goes on.

For My Mother-in-law

I met my mother-in-law over 30 years ago shortly after I was introduced to my wife to be, Carolyn.  She was a woman who was soft-spoken, but established in her faith in God.  I did not have any fear of her with respect to my relationship that was going to be established with her only daughter. Her real strength was in her relationship with God. The Word of God was ingrained in her life and she demonstrated it in the best way she knew how.

I saw a kind and gentle woman who had taken her “knocks” in life and survived. Her wealth was in her family. Losing a husband at a very young age took its toll, but she maintained her faith.

I loved to tease her about being her “favorite son-in-law” and that was safe since I was her only son-in-law.  Her gentle chuckle was always a response I looked forward to. I would also tease her about her “boyfriend” knowing full well that this was not even a consideration, maybe with the exception of one name which will remain anonymous.

She lived alone most of the 30 years, with a few years devoted to taking care of her own mother. As events have unfolded in the last few years her health has deteriorated and now she is suffering from dementia. This terrible disease takes her memory and hurts the family so very deeply, but our hope lies in the precious memories of what she contributed to us on a personal level.

I could not have asked for a more understanding and better mother-in-law. She never mistreated me and to the best of my knowledge she never spoke ill of me. Her character and integrity precedes her dementia and I must focus on those positive things.

I do not know how long she is destined to live on this earth in the present state. There is always possibility for the miraculous. For Carolyn, Micah and I there is a future that will be glorious one way or another.

What Do We Face

It's the year 2013!

So much we face and fear as we get into this year. The economy looks awful with little sign of quick improvement......

The housing market remains gloomy......

The list seems endless, but I will stop here.

I choose to believe my God is greater than any problem or situation. My hope is not in what the government can give me but rather in what God provides. His "manna" will sustain his people adequately.

No, I do not like what our nation has become with all the perversion and poor leadership. As a Christ follower I must take heart and know my future is secure in Him. This world is not my home.... I'm just passing through.

And so I take heart!