To All My Friends

I am sure I have brought disappointment to you at some point during our acquaintance. I reach this conclusion on the basis the lack of personal contact from some of you for a long extended period. You may have placed me on a high pedestal and I failed to live up to your expectations. Sometimes the perch is extremely difficult and often precarious.

 I will admit my human frailties often interfere with good decisions. I offer my apology and request forgiveness. I will admit that events in my life have brought me to a fresh new perspective on what Christianity is to be. My shortfall was adhering to traditions. This was a comfortable but not necessarily a proper or essential position to the call God placed upon my life.  

My foundational faith is not cancelled or forgotten.  I want to build upon the past if it is a good base. All dross must be removed from my thinking and activity. Maturity should come to all of us as a process, a process of being tried like gold. This is an continuing need, because impurities filter into our lives at all stages. Learning never ends.

If I used Scripture to enforce or influence you to believe it my way, I offer sincere apology.  I appreciate exuberant worship as much as anybody, however, it must be done in decency and order to avoid the creating a stumbling block. I want balance in my life with respect to living godly.

Firework displays are things of beauty empowered by a force. I don’t know the details of how it is done nor could I replicate the splendor. Our spiritual fireworks must illustrate His glory and draw the observer in, not push them away. This doesn’t imply the “shout” or “amen” cannot be expressed, but let it be done in order and relevancy to the occasion. God wants us to be in tune to effectuate His concepts, not our own. When we transform our thinking and renew our minds we can fulfill this service.

Freedom from the traditions of men is actually experiencing God’s awesome grace. Hell-fire and brimstone sermons without the balance of grace and the beauty of salvation only frighten one to disregard the message. The true seeker will find God’s mercy and grace as so often illustrated in the Bible. The unnecessary fierce vociferous declarations harm the reception of the message. The excitability of the hearers will not endure the true test that follows in the days ahead.

Ministry is more than acquiring a pulpit to proclaim in, it is more than being elected to service in a spiritual office. It is serving the needs of others without worry of title or attainment of prestige. We are not a congress to legislate; we are ministers to announce good news. Nor are we judges to castigate the sinner, instead we are attorneys to advocate mercy.

An Unveiling

Time is an element of life that passes by so quickly. I am sitting at my desk and composing this piece for my blog and listening to the sound of a passing freight train nearby. The sound is nostalgic to me for some reason. I have just checked the Facebook postings of my friends and found some interesting comments along with some useless chatter as is usually the case. So now I will add some useless chatter to my blog but allow it to be a venting mechanism.

I am actually trying to discipline myself to writing more consistently than I have previously done. The excuses for not doing so are as varied as the number of cars on that passing train.

There is a particular subject I wish to address at this point. It is one that has plagued my choices for most of my life. It began for me early in life. I would say at least by high school age. Now I have accomplished a term of service in the US Air Force, a career with the Social Security Administration, a secondary career in ministry, and now working as a family services coordinator.

As much as feasible I would cover my condition by avoidance or selective refusal of certain situations. This brought about difficulty in relationships.

But now it is a new time in my life. I confess that I have essential tremor (ET). This neurological condition is probably a hereditary disorder.  My father had it and was misdiagnosed with Parkinsonism most of his life. I was often told I was nervous because of my shaking; it is a type of nerve disorder. I am amazed at how many are afflicted by this potentially degrading condition.

The tremor is in mainly in my left hand for which I am so thankful since I am right handed. However, residual tremor affects my right hand and my handwriting is very poor. The medication of beta blockers has helped but the prognosis is not positive. I must resign myself to acceptance of the condition and hope people understand my limitations. For those who would like more information about ET I suggest you look at the web site: www.essentialtremor.org/.  This web site will give you more detailed information about ET and how it affects individuals and limits their functioning ability.

I wish it would go away but in spite of ET I resign myself to live life to the full. I pray for God’s assistance and would gladly accept a miraculous healing anytime. Stress and tiredness aggravate the disorder. But, if this is my thorn in the flesh, He will give me strength to bare it to the end.

GIVE THANKS!

It is a wonderful season, but not without its difficulty. If you reside in the United States of America, you are among the most wealthy population in the world. Give thanks. All the difficulties we face are naught in comparison to famine and pestilence and poverty in other parts of this world. Give thank for what you have, or don't have. If you can even read this, give thanks. There are so many illiterate people in our world.

I give thanks to my Creator and the greater hope He has given me through Jesus Christ the Righteous.

An Unpleasant Anniversary

As we are about to mark another anniversary of our demolished world we once knew and worked in I am stirred in my spirit for the offenders who succeeded in bringing an abrupt end to life as we were accustomed to. I will however, acknowledge that the unwarranted event has led to development of a better life for us. For this I am thankful.

I remember the terrible feelings of injustice that swept over us for months. At certain times the blood boils and hurts pain us. The instigators may be in denial but justice will prevail. I must rest in the confidence of a just God.

Many would say I should forgive and forget. And, yes, I have forgiven but forget . . .  not so quick. The wound is deep and since it was unjustified injury to my character and integrity it is healing pain. I learned a lesson and will remember it, avowing to never let it happen to us again. I would also hope others would recognize the signs and avoid similar circumstances in their lives. Rick Warren put it like this: "If you cannot remember the pain, you would not remember the lessons."

For the parties involved, I pray for their souls. May there be an awakening in their spirit to try a reconciliation that fits with their proclamations. I cannot force this upon them but they will have to act appropriately at some point in time.

My assessment of the situation this year concludes that the scheme was a total disregard of the facts and certainly no consideration of affect.

There was a rising to power, an idolizing view and deception that preceded our termination. The frustration of leadership with my failure to voluntarily resign was clearly evident. I forced the decision upon those perpetrators. The person responsible for this attitude will have to come to terms with God on the matter.

It is difficult to maintain a Christian attitude towards former fellow Christians who have eviscerated my ministry within their realm. The nice thing is that I am not confined to their legalism or by-law system of man-made rules that restrict and confine me to an unfitting mold. I am at a new day in ministry that is calm and poignantly straight-forward.

Perhaps it took the severity of such an evil plot for me to be free of a bondage that appealed to the pleasing of man more than pleasing God. I confess this weakness and thus declare a most clearer and truer perspective on my calling to minister. God does know how to make good of the bad that happens to us.

Many will read this and not understand and attempt to self-justify. However, they must focus on life’s purpose according to God’s call and not upon personal agendas. The enemy of our soul, Satan, does not care about your profession and will use whomever he can to carry out his evil.

My intent is to expose the failure of my former leaders in this statement for the purpose of the disclosure of truth. The conversations involving our departure have not been fully explained from our perspective. The failure to give audience as a member is a serious offense and violation of Christian principles. It is truth that sets us free, even though at first it makes you miserable.
Vengeance does not belong to me. I surrender to my Heavenly Father, to fulfill the purpose He alone has called me to. My departure from those who brought offense is by no mean a confession of guilt on my part.

A Little Something

It is certainly challenging to read the assorted posts on social networks. Some of my "friends" seem to express themselves in terms that are centristic and egotistical. They complain about stuff they bring on themselves. Their agrandizement of themselves and name dropping are disheartening to me.

I am not certain but that some of them have become "friends" to flaunt their successes and demonstrate how they are better than the average joe or jane. They want all to know of their wealth and accomplishments. They boast so blatantly.

By the way, my 66 years on eath effective October 16 has given me much to brag about. I am perfect and excellently favored. My name is in a very special book.

So for what it is worth, I am important. My travels have taken me places that you wish you could have gone. I have seen things many of you will never see. My fortune is held by another for the time being in a trust fund.

My future plans will take me to a most amazing place without all the phonies, and that will be a relief! Would I dare brag? Oh Yeah! Just ask me.

Autumn

This time of year tends to be nostalgic for me. However, the temperature is so hot the notions that usually crop up in my mind are somewhat subdued.

I do like this time of year most of all. I can identify with many things in my past that hold special place in memory. The changing colors, the earlier darkness. Perhaps it is because of my time of birth, i.e., October that puts me in the nostalgic mode.

So with that being said, I will try to compose a more informational blog in the coming days. But for now that's going to be all.

The Bewildering Economy

What is with our economy? I certainly don’t understand what the answer is as economists might explain. However, I believe the pattern of spending without a foundation has led to the present crisis of a national debt out of control. The oxymoronic part is the caution to families against allowing debt to exceed income; and the government is the biggest offender.

The income tax measure of decades ago was supposed to be a temporary fix and now it has become a maze of intricate loopholes and traps for the American citizen and corporations. As consumers we have created an economic crisis. The simple life can’t exist in this fast paced society. There is covetousness of other’s possessions to keep up with modernism and ease of life.

What will increasing the spending limit and taxes accomplish to solve the predicament? Printing more money will not offset product and purchasing power. There is only so much resource available.

The slump in the housing market is a definite indicator of failure to recognize the wrong road taken. Real estate was the easy target. There is only so much land and so much purchasing power.

If we insist upon having the latest gadgets without considering affordability then we will continue down the path of economic destruction. Soon we will be prey to the profiteers, i.e. banks, investors, continue to take advantage of vulnerable and uneducated populace. Ultimately we will have to acknowledge that the “chickens will come home to roost.”

Our government bureaucracy must be reduced in size and cost at all levels. Citizens must know the impact this reduction will have on their entitlements and privileges. It is really time to assess a direction of recovery with sacrifices by all. The wealthy should no longer be able to buy their way into political office. Fair an equal campaign should be waged addressing critical issues of the constituents they represent and then truly represent. We have had enough of the “pork barreling” ruse.

The improvement of credit scores through scams and ease of access of internet is not a deterrent to what road we are traveling.  Tracking scores is big brother watching you!

The average “Joe” must step up to the plate and take action. Use of the pen and the vote will have to be loud and clear if true change occurs. Now that S&P has lowered our credit rating to AA+ who knows what will go down. Is it a recession or depression?

Reflecting

As I look back over the past few life episodes I sense a mellow but confident view. Admittedly I was a inflexible Pentecostal with narrow viewpoints because of tradition and hierarchical leadership.  I will not deter from certain observations and conclusions. The most important thing is that I have an inner peace. There will be occasional rants that emit from my mouth or writing but I know real freedom is my colleague.

The fault-finder who reads my expressed opinions and conclusions will have to seek another to place guilt upon. I have no reason to accept guilt for declarations against me.  I would suggest your self-examination in light of the Word and see the frailty that possibly exists within you. Yes, you can judge me and likewise I can judge you, but with that judgment we both will face the Eternal Judge.

My tone of expression may seem a bit harsh, but life experience has brought certain callousness to those things that don’t matter and softness about those things that do. It isn’t about popularity or earthly achievements; I seek a higher prize.

As for my former church realm, be blessed in your efforts as you follow God’s direction. Avoid frivolous activities; they often lead to political nepotism.  Thank you for the experiences. Sometimes I learned what not to do, other times I was blessed. The bitter taste is rinsed out and spit out with a far better taste of the present. There is a remarkable peace enfolding me.

I seek after God’s favor above all else.  There is a new day of ministry that has dawned upon me and I feel more fulfilled than ever.

My satisfaction comes from seeing conversions that are not counseled in legalism or neglected in instruction. The true transformations come through instruction of honesty and knowing who one is becoming through acceptance of Christ as Savior and the development to maturity as defined in Scripture. That relationship, not religion, will sustain the believer in the darkest of hours.

BOOKS

I have recently assessed some “stuff” that my wife and I have accumulated through the 28 years of marriage. ------ We got lots of it! Too much! Amongst the stuff there is memorabilia that is priceless as well as junk that needs to be tossed or donated. I personally have a difficult time trying to yard sell. I don’t like the haggle or the mess. It could mean extra cash . . . to buy more junk . . .


My search involved a specific task of finding a book that I will be using to lead our Journey Group Bible study beginning in September. I knew I had it amongst the stuff but it was going to take some digging. My books had mostly been boxed since our departure from full time ministry. Fortunately I knew the general area where the books were packed away in the garage. But of course it was in the last box that I found it.

Printed material, i.e., books, notes, etc can serve value if we can find it again. Although I destroyed all my printed sermon notes as a symbolic gesture that was mentioned in a very early post, my books have always been somewhat of a treasure. I simply like books on a shelf and how they seem to intellectualize my being. Thus I kept my books; the library look is a vision of grandeur.

Keeping these books in boxes for four years was not my intent. It was just one of those unfortunate things. But as I looked through the boxes and found the particular book I was looking for, I realized how dated many of them had become. No, I don’t have signed copies to make them valuable, but I do have memory of how they assisted me in the process of life. Many inspired me, some were tough plowing through.

With the internet accessible information, some of these books could well find a better home and release me from some clutter. I prefer books because of underlining and highlighting for later reference with the physical page flipping. Does that make me old school? I will have to think deeply about any discarding.

Blog Anniversary

June was the second anniversay of this blog.

I truly cannot believe where time has gone.

I am not sure who has read or demonstrated any interest in my blogging but that may never be known to me. This forum serves the purpose of providing me with a venting which brings therapy to my being.

The offenses may hit hard. The facts may be one sided in some instances. The reader have to find out some other way. I can only express for myself. I have no intention of bringing harm to anyone. My prayer is that God can use this for His purpose in the lives of both writer and reader.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! -------

Just Wondering

I am not a gambler but I held out hope of having an actual and substantial financial gain occur in my life. To date this has not happened. I watch reality TV about families winning expensive vacations, homes and other financial rewards. Why is it never me?


The pessimistic side of me falls back on the adage, “born a day late and dollar short.” This does not prevent me from being a patriotic respectful person in spite of all tragedies I have experienced. I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth; in fact struggle was my childhood lot in life. Thank God my parents and family weren’t complainers about their lot in life. I was shielded from despondency on these matters because of an instilled faith in a God who has an eternal plan for me.

My attention to being on “the short end of the stick” comes from observation of those who are selected winners of valuable prizes without much more than a submission of an entry. Herein is the problem. Entry forms are basically a hoax for all losers to provide personal information for future solicitations. They have an agenda of participation that will cost the entrant. Ultimately I believe ever winner of substantial gain will have hidden costs, i.e., taxes.

I remember two occasions as a pre-teen when I entered a sweepstakes. I was more than hopeful of my name being selected as a winner. Was it an impure or false faith?

The first was for a bicycle from a local Sears’s store. I stood anxiously by as they drew a name from the large container of submissions. Well, as you can probably guess it wasn’t my number. Disappointment filled my being as I walked away feeling like a loser.

The second occasion was when a small local shoe store was accepting entries for a brand new go-cart. This was the rage of the time for young boys. It had a wow factor. Every week I walked to town to admire this fine machine. When they finally posted the winner it was not my name. I am of the opinion that this one was a scam to attract business.

As I grew older the Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes envelopes were filling our mailbox. I again had hopes of winning the million dollars or new home, maybe even a lesser prize. For years I would enter only to have my hopes dashed after the announced deadlines with nobody showing up with balloons and cameras at my doorstep. I even bought magazines hoping to improve my chance of becoming a winner. NOTHIN!

In my 65 plus years on earth I have learned that winning a fortune is pretty slim to mostly none. The odds are stacked against me. But I do have good health and awesome family and friends to always be there. My hope cannot be in a decision of man but must rest in my eternal Heavenly Father who has invested in me for my future with Him. I strive for the prize of the high calling of God (Phil. 3:14). I will acknowledge that I have experienced priceless rewards in my spirit through fulfilling the call of God on my life. He is true and faithful and able to do exceeding abundantly above all that I ask or think (Eph.3:20).

My dependency is not on the sinful nature of man. I must look to my source. My source is my Lord.

Expressions of Disgust (Pet Peeves)

As I have accepted or encountered certain situations in my recent life there is a tendency for me to be more vocal in stating my opinions. Maybe there is a measure of insensitivity (I don’t care) towards what others think. My feelings have hardened to allow me to truly express my views.


Do I dare write on these issues and declare my perspective? What will the repercussions be? How many offenses will I bring? I know many will be offended at certain stances I take.

Would this be wrong to express in writing my opinions? I think not. They have long been in my silent mind. It is a liberty that each individual has in this nation (at least so far). These voicing’s are not meant to bring personal harm to anyone; however, I will accept the fact that they will be offended by the content of my message. There is and will be reciprocation accordingly. They too will offend me in some of their raucous rants. Please do not read this with the idea that I think of myself more “holier than thou.”

I have always believed myself to be one who accepted opinions of others although at times I silently disagreed with them. This was a failure on my part to express opinion for fear of reprisal or someone might stop liking me. (Sometimes they probably never liked me in the first place.) It is so true that you cannot make everybody happy at the same time.

And so, what are my pet peeves?

A current rage or trend has gripped many. I do not believe our body should become a canvas for painting billboard material that is permanent, i.e., tattoos. I don’t like them. I suggest wearing a garment that carries their message. I will not dislike the person who has such décor on their person but I don’t have to like the “art.” The purpose and content do not affect my opinion. The body need not be dishonored in such fashion.

Bodily piercings that are carried to extremes takes me to the primitive tribes of our world. What now is the point of such piercings? The initial pain--- is it worth it. No part of the human body seems to be immune from such irreverent holes and adornment. Is the adornment that pretty?

What about clothing? Well, mostly it is a lack of adequate covering when in public places. Pornography becomes three dimensional. No wonder there is such sexual violence when attire attracts the predator like bait in a trap for an animal.

The balance of respect for elders is clearly gone. The youth have not been educated about the contributions made by their ancestors. Honor is disregarded.

Movie language is awful. Films made today contain so much cursing and foul language it becomes an offense to my ears. This is aside from the sexual aspects portrayed in so many top box office movies. And people pay big bucks to go see them! Yikes!

There is a disregard for the role of spiritual matters in everyday living. Too many just cry out to God when there is adversity. No time for God. We must find balance in our lives.

Discouragement Overruled by Encouragement

Yep.... it happens to all of us, discouragement.

How do we overcome such situations to become encouraged? I have found that shutting down my mind and focusing only on the cause of the discouragment only tends to increase it. Friends and family can certainly contribute to bringing me out of the doldrums of discouragement.

The Scripture tells us we should "encourage one another daily." This is certainly an interesting point. Obviously God knew discouraging times would come and He made provision through this inspired declaration that we should encourage one another.

Be encouraged my friends! God does care, cast your cares upon Him.

What to Write . . . .

May has approached its exit for 2011 and I have not been too inspired to write on this blog.


I have been rather busy and a bit exhausted with computer work on my job. This might explain my neglect of posting something. Now I have become like so many procrastinators, making excuses for not doing something.

I do have a certain level of passion to write more but there are so many other life issues that occupy my time. Many of them are of higher priority.

Well, it’s time to move on in an attempt a composition of some value to take space on my blog. But what subject do I address? Can I continue my therapy on recovery from the hurts of the past? Nah, don’t want to go there since I am healed and blessed. I need to quit picking at the scar tissue.

There is the possibility of reviewing some other notes I have accumulated over the years and picking a topic to write about. I really can’t be sure what at this point in time. Guess it will remain to be seen what my next choice of discussion will be here.

Stay tuned.

My View

The event of the demise of Osama bin Laden has given occasion to much commentary. Amongst such remarks there has been fierce exchange of words on his swift execution and the interrelated matters. And thus I will add my perspective. ---- Thanks for the freedom of speech and press! Reign on!

The report of his death through our government agencies is the opinion I concur with. An evil plotting person has been expunged from our world. The lengthy time period and process of finding the deranged bin Laden has had its ups and downs. There has been much ado about the whole process that led to his execution by the U.S. Navy Seal Team 6. I applaud the execution of their duty.

Controversy surrounds this event because of the jihad element. Religious overtones are ingrained in the terrorist movement that hides behind the cloak of religious conviction and interpretation of the Quran. I can respect the opposing opinions of persons; however, I expect the same respect for my opposing opinion. The heart of a man must be changed or he will maintain his same opinion.

A man who would hide in his compound and secretly deploy personnel to dismantle our freedom is not deserving of breathing the air. His cowardice is evident. His tactics through al Qaeda or the Taliban are best described as ruthless. They place no value to anyone opposed to their religious or political views. I know we cannot clump all Muslims in his barrel, nor can we likewise clump Christians in one barrel. Radical elements exist in all facets of society.

We are often attacked for stating strong opinions on biblical based morality. There is the implication and misunderstanding that we are merely moronic Bible thumpers. This description of my stance on issues is  as offensive to me as any statement I issue on controversial matters that possibly offends those of another position.

A man must examine his own heart and motives. He must decide as an individual whether to believe in God. That is his free moral choice. If I choose to believe in God, then I should be respected as a fellow sojourner on earth and not live in fear of retribution because I believe differently. However, do not impose your rules on me as I will not impose mine on you.

This argument does go deeper than just the surface of man’s laws. It becomes a matter of heart and an awakening of man’s soul and spirit. Conversion is a decision. A hardened heart will not absorb compassion. Agape (God Love) must prevail if humanity continues to thrive. Purpose of existence must be fixed in the individual’s mind if they are to present a viable argument.

I hold to the view of the veracity of the Bible and the precepts set therein. I choose to have faith in a God who loves me and demonstrated grace and mercy to me. My judgment call will acquiesce to Him as the final court of appeal. No man needs to die in such fashion as bin Laden, he had his days of mercy and grace; he simply chose another course.

Terrorism will continue because man is essentially lost without a savior to direct. I must hold to the hope of my salvation for eternity. I cannot shove my faith down your throat with words or weapons; you will make your own choice.

CHANGE CHALLENGES

The last few days have been filled with change.


Sometimes change is good. Other times change is difficult.

On Thursday evening we were with the grieving family of Helen Jones for the viewing. The body was there and peaceful looking, but we know her soul had gone to be at rest with her LORD.

Friday (Good Friday) was the memorial service for Helen with a chapel service and internment after. I hope and pray that my words about her life and service were adequate enough. Many of the family stated so. I felt honored to officiate for the services.

Saturday we rested and did only necessary things. A trip to Lowe’s for closet repair items and sprinkler system changes took several hours of our time.

On Sunday we awoke early to get to church and serve our first official Team Leaders duties of the First Impressions Team for two worship services. It was awesome to serve and greet arrivals for worship. The house was packed for the 9 am service (over 1,000) and almost packed for the 11 am service. We left the church about one pm and finally determined were to go for lunch. We had breakfast at Denny’s in Selma about two pm and then decided to venture to Fresno. Traffic was very light—almost everything was closed, surprise!

Back at home we chilled together and prepared for the week.

Now I am back to work and the remodeling of the front office has everything in disarray. Stuff is everywhere and nowhere. Boy! Talk about unorganized and chaos. All but one of management was absent on Monday. Not the way to run a business! Ah, but who am I to judge. I must just roll with the punches and smile, keeping the spirit of Christ.

Today I am notified by my supervisor that my grant notice must be done for 2011 FY and we haven’t got the FY 2010 approval notice yet. The new request is due June 8. Don’t make any sense to me. It is Tuesday and the remodel is still underway. We will make it. I refuse to let it break me or crush my spirit.

Loosing Good Neighbors

Our neighbors across the street have moved. It is so difficult to face their absence. It is really too bad that their lender wouldn’t work with them. House prices have really dropped many of us under the bus. Being upside down on one’s equity is really mind boggling. These are such a young couple with a small child to have to face such crisis.


We are in anxiety over who will be moving in. They had to walk away like so many have done lately. I completed understand their predicament and respect their decision regardless of how we feel. I know we will keep in contact. They moved just a short distance away.

I hope we can establish some descent rapport with the new residents. The home is really nice but will now need some work before being sold or rented.

Last Night . . . For a Season

We concluded our Journey Group for the first semester last night. Our guest for the evening included our lead pastor and his wife. Three members were unable to attend. It was with a certain amount of sadness that it was our final Wednesday for a time but plans are to connect monthly over the summer until our next session begins in late August.


I believe there was real rapport and camaraderie amongst our members. In my opinion we fulfilled the goal to have real connection, koinonia.

Heartfelt thanks goes to all our members and you continue to be in our prayers. We will see you at our “Summer Buffets”. Lets rest in our LORD and not forget to mature in the grace of His Spirit.

Tribute to Helen Jones

Today was a sad yet victorious day.


One of our faithful elderly parishoner, friend, and family passed from this life to her eternal reward. Her life’s journey is over with all the health issues and struggles she had. We know this matriarch is rejoicing in the presence of her beloved savior.

Her soft spoken voice still is heard through the lives of people she has influenced in her 87 years of life on earth. A wife, mother, grandmother and great grandmother has crossed Jordan and is no longer an invalid. She will be missed by her husband, children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. Her legacy is living on through their lives. The echoes of her wisdom will resound over and over again in the hearts of those she loved.

Serving as her pastor for six years we saw a strong faith and commitment to her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. In her earthly life God touched her life often by His Spirit but now she is touched by His glorious presence. I look forward to seeing this woman of God along with many other saints who have finished their course when my time to leave this earthly shell and bars of bones.No more pain, tears, or sorrows-- it is finished.

I pray for God’s comfort to be with the family and friends. May we all come to know and love God as Helen Jones did so well in faith and deed.

Helen, rest in the arms of Jesus.

Clarification of Purpose

Reviewing from time to time my past postings I have come to the realization that much offense can be taken. I reaffirm my position of establishing facts that resulted in such postings at the time. I reiterate that I have chosen to move on in spite of the hurt and disappointment befallen me. This is not meant as justification, for only God can justify anyone. My purpose is to show a side that might never be exposed and possibly prevent someone else from falling blindly into a mess or trap that is godless. I hold to what is written. The posts are not done with malice nor intent to harm. I only want people to "wake up and smell the coffee." I am really free from legalism --- I serve a risen Savior!!

My Journal Findings

A few days ago I switched desks with my son. The process meant taking everything out of each desk and transporting it up or down the stairs accordingly. I am pleased with the exchange but now I cannot find some of the paperwork I desperately need. The desks are quite different styles and I had to reconfigure my storage space and reconnect the computer too. I will adjust—because I am not going to switch again!

Diggings can be dirty, but in the dirt and rocks precious metals and diamonds can be harvested.


While looking for some documents I ran across journal notebooks I made almost four years ago. I became distracted by them and had to read some of my writings. At the time I was in a state of frustration, anger, and confusion beyond belief and was not surprised by what I had written. At some point in time I will compile them for a story to be told. But as I reread them I was amazed at the peace I felt over those difficult days. It is not that that entire trauma of those days is totally erased because third parties have not asked for reconciliation, but I am healed and walking in the fullness of God’s grace and direction. Essentially I have shaken the dust off my feet and moved on.

Memories as described in those journals are not all necessarily pleasant. I expressed my emotions as being like a rollercoaster ride. They all contribute to the character we become. These are the events that can help us choose the path we take to our future. In those moments of seeming defeat, victory loomed on the horizon as long as I was willing to continue holding to the truth.

Now I have reached the horizon that seemed so far away. Contentment has enveloped me once again. I cannot worry over the past that will not change. I will walk in the hope of God’s promises and allow the Holy Spirit to guide me along the way to my future. I know why some of the people of the past are not in my present. They make their choice to listen to falsehoods regarding my character. I leave them to God’s hand of judgment. As my wife so aptly says, “the blood is on their hands.” Personally, I’ve been washed in the blood of the Lamb and look forward to an eternity with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

The Parable of the Computer Solution

I recently experienced internet connection problems that I was unable to resolve without assistance. I contacted my ISP server for assistance. Attempting to reasonably respond to automated questions and taking advised actions to correct the computer problems things still didn’t work. I thus proceeded to finally connect with a live technician.

Phoning an IT person that speaks plausible English is frightful because of the extensive outsourcing. The matter was frustrating to me as I am sure it was to the technician on the other side of the world. Finally, the resolution came when I agreed to permit the technician to take remote control of my computer. His training an expertise allowed him to investigate the inner workings that were the source of the problem. He could see the same thing I was and determine more readily a corrective action directly. My problems got solved.

This is an allegory for what Christians need to do in getting their problems of connection fixed. There is often occasions when the stress of life creates viruses in our thinking. We go viral and lose some sensibility of connection with God.

We have the manual (Bible) for life guidance. But often our problems go much deeper and we don’t describe them to fit the biblical response. Our ability to repair and track the difficulty to fix is limited. There is a short circuit somewhere. Maybe the devil has hacked us.

We have community to assist as we attend worship with others. Sometimes the problems get fixed. If the problem isn’t fixed we most likely need to let the Holy Spirit take remote control and enter into our lives more completely. He can see things we don’t and enable us to avoid things that create infections and viruses in our life. We just need to be sure we have dialed in to the right place; we've got to be willing to walk in the spirit.

We must trust God to control our life through the gifting of the Holy Spirit. He gives us strength to face the giant obstacles and point us to solutions for becoming eternal winners.

A Bit More About Me

I want to take time to give thanks. The computer and in particular the word processing program have been great tools in my life. My age has caused me to continue in progression of benign essential familial tremor affecting my manual writing skills. The tremor in my hands makes it difficult to write legibly. Holding a pen or pencil steady to write is very challenging. I am so thankful to have learned typing in my high school years and rely heavily on this form of composing. My hands tremble but I am able to utilize the keyboard much easier and more quickly than with pen or pencil not to mention the ability to easily correct mistakes before the final draft. The end result is so much neater needless to say.


Many times I prayed for a miracle of deliverance from this affliction. But like the Apostle Paul, I must bear the “thorn in my side” and continue to “run the race.” My life has shown that I have conquered many goals in spite of this tremor. The disability stigma never attached itself to me to prevent some successes. I just have recognized some limitations and work within my ability.

My appeal to an observer would be for understanding; my affliction is not a “nervous condition” in the usual sense. This tremor is a genetic disorder that progresses with age. A self-consciousness about my tremor does often lend to anxiety which can greatly increase the tremor for a time; this would be the “nervous” state. I try to avoid situations that create anxiety as much as possible. These would be stressful situations and difficult confrontations. I do know my limits and try to avoid situations that would bring raised eye brows.

I recall my father facing the same physical issues. He was a strong man and lived to 92.8 years of age. We accepted him and understood his limitations. I understand even better as the genes have been passed to me. He was oft misdiagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and treatment or medication was not an option.

I am saddened that the prognosis for this hindering condition is not good. in essence there is no cure. Medication can assist by slowing adrenal production but has its side effects of drowsiness, slow heart rate, etc.

So what do I do? …… Well, make the best of what comes my way and contribute with what gifts I have been given and continue down the road of life. I cannot worry about how bad it may get. I try to avoid excessive stimulants, i.e., caffeine. The important thing is to appreciate what I have been given, and this includes people in my life that do understand, namely my wife and immediate family.

Looking Back But Looking Forward

In an earlier blog post of January 11, 2010 I gave positive and uplifting praise to a church congregation we had been associated with. Several months have lapsed since any contact has been made with them or their leadership. For an undeclared reason our acceptance has vanished. This blog is intended to address the whys and wherefores from my experience and observation.


I was presented with probable reconnection again in the next few months at the time of the previous blog posting. It would be an opportunity to minister to our friends once again. As of this post not word one has been received to return for ministry and renew fellowship.

I think it sad but oddly humorous how certain concepts and respect is cast aside over diminutive misconceptions. I believe this particular estrangement has a source attached to the marital issues of my son’s wedding to a girl from this church. There were many issues on the conducting of the ceremony involving my wife and me. How sad for them that communication failed. My words of mild rebuke in a phone conversation shortly after the wedding with their minister about some difficulties and the lack of maturity in their constituency appear to have bearing on the root cause of this detachment. I called it like I saw it. No follow up has been offered.

My statement about wanting to be in heaven with them has taken a back seat at this time. Heaven cannot be a place of broken relationships over mundane matters. Reconciliation will have to come somewhere along the way; Scripture mandates it. There has been no expression of love and appreciation that I previously felt from anyone. In fact a cold reception was felt during the wedding which gives credence to my explanation. Something changed. Apparently that church as a whole has taken offense to us. Thus my respect for them has faded in this field of the dark unknown.

My reasoning for this conclusion lies in the ungodly gossip that exists within the confines of the church. I find this to be an on-going problem in most congregations that I observed within the organization that I have parted company with. The negative response may be due to our finding and expressing true freedom we have in Christ. We are willing to please Him alone and enjoy the life He provides. We are not condemned but set free to take pleasure in the abundance he showers upon us without feelings of guilt.

A lack of grounding in the rightful foundations of faith contributes to their conundrum as well. Perhaps offenses were taken of our liberty expressed during the wedding ceremony. Or maybe it was the firmness of how we were going to be participants in the ceremony and celebration. I was the officiating minister at the request of my son, the groom, and my wife provided all labor for decorations at the petition of the bride and her parents. In the future I will avoid illogical compromise to accommodate the wishes of those who have no right to request such. Lesson learned.

I attempted to ground this church community in the Word of God for approximately five years. It has been their choice to forget, respond or ignore. If they wish to remain minute, they should keep doing it the old way with the old mind set. I repent of any contribution I may have made to this circumstance of stunted growth. Emotional moments are not worship no matter how extreme it is; sadly it is merely moments of ecstasy brought about by conviction that passes by Monday morning. The traditionalism of these encounters will be condemned by the very Christ they claim to serve; it is hindering the express purpose of the church to MATURE and GROW! I sincerely have no desire to preach a message to them at this time because of what I fear the message of hardness would be and the rejection I would undoubtedly feel. Only God can direct me to do so and His grace would have to sustain me.

Is this a condemnation from me? Is it a justification for my unwanted disassociation? By no means are those my intents. If it be prophetic in fulfilling my gifting, then so be it; I am only the messenger. The love for their souls remains intact. I do care for them and the memories of great moments with friends; however there are times to move to new heights. Yes, as I stated, our lives have been enriched by knowing them. But now the vein of value has been mined to exhaustion and we proceed to new depths in the eternal kingdom.

I applaud them for being there during our past time of hurt and need. But now I prod them to move to greater depths in Christ. I encourage them to refuse to be stagnant and live in a rut of traditionalism that will blind and consume true passion for God. This is a sad scenario for a potentially awesome community of believers. Small thinking will hinder propagating the Gospel of Jesus Christ that sets men free. It is time to assess your place and take affirmative action to repent and do the work God has called you to. Get out of your comfort zone! Let change come in your worship after you have waited for the Holy Spirit to direct with an open mind. Do not become obstinate in your stance for that will only hinder your progress.

Speaking metaphorically I have been in the belly of the fish, the lion’s den, the prison of despair, exiled to Patmos, chased out of the city, beat up and robbed by thieves, slandered by friends and hung out to dry, shipwrecked upon the sea, and even stood before a firing squad. Through it all I have learned to trust in God alone, faith in Him has made be strong . . . bring it on! I waited for the Holy Spirit and worshipped the God I serve. I am equipped to fight in the warfare of good versus evil. I can witness of His power and might and do the works I’ve been sent to do. The blessings of God far outweigh the poundings of the enemy.”I will lift up my head . . . my help comes from the Lord.”

What Spirit Controls You?

I have often been unwontedly humbled by someone God placed in my path to confirm that “it isn’t all about me!” We serve a far better purpose on earth than one to acquire praise or esteem of man that endures for a season. We are social creatures. What do we do to communicate? We must vent and talk. There are times we act. I believe that we best live, serve, react, and express with God’s directives. When we leave God out of the equation there will be tendency to justify all our actions and become egotistical about our gifting. With that in mind I have seen too many failures recently to not consider the seriousness of the problem called “egotism and pride.”


What is there about a public forum or social network that lends to self-aggrandizement? In simpler terms is it boasting in one’s accomplishment or posturing in society amongst peers and those who have placed us on a high place? I have unfortunately sensed this apparent action in recent connections I have made with “friends” who accepted me on Face Book. It is not that I am unable to appreciate or recognize the deserved blessings. I can honor the positions they hold or abilities they have; I feel it just isn’t necessary to tell the greatness you have accomplished in this particular forum. Discretion should be the rule to follow. When misappropriated it imposes authority rather than respect. In this kind of scenario the ego enters so we can have approval of someone who may feel inferior and that we can remain on the pedestal that they have put us on. The Bible calls it an arrogant spirit. Manipulation of persons is evil. Receiving the accolades of man may reduce your honor before the King of Kings.

In composing this piece I had to examine my motive and unction for writing it. Several questions came to mind. Was I jealous of something or someone? Have I taken offense to something said? Was I upset with the fact they get more response to something I had previously said or done and no one had noticed ME? These are just some of the serious question I personally must address. At first glance perhaps offense was taken. But my conclusion: My relationship with the LORD counts more than anything. I must live with integrity before HIM. I must bear good fruit and avoid being tainted by any of the slighting or ignoring I feel. It isn’t about feelings it is about holy obedience.

My God given talents are different than those who have been exposed to multitudes of peoples through travel and the like. My path through life has different challenges. Some of my noticeable seclusion has enhanced my gifting and matured me. I am not disappointed in what I have been called to do. The failures of my past will not control the future God has set for me. I will utilize those situations to build upon instead of throwing back at the circumstance. I cannot, nor do I need to place blame. I must “press on towards the mark of the high calling of God.”

I do want people to know that I unequivocally and without reservation declare that Jesus Christ is my Savior and Lord. It is my purpose to serve Him. Those who receive me and share in my gifting, I thank you. For those who ignore or reject my gifting, I encourage you to find and give place to Him above all. Not all of our paths will merge in congruence but someday we will inherit the eternal life we have strived for.

OUR JOURNEY TOGETHER - THE FIRST STEP

Our church, Koinonia Christian Fellowship, has begun a home group meeting called Journey Groups. There are more than forty of these groups meeting weekly or biweekly to establish community and make greater connection with attendees. The count reveals nearly 500 people have signed up to be in a group.


We are hosting one such group in our home that will meet weekly for 11 weeks, then break for the summer and resume in the fall. Our first meeting was February 9, 2011. We had eight in attendance counting my wife and I. Two others notified us of their absence due to illness in the family.

We had great fellowship and discussion on the first chapter of the Book of Acts from the Bible. Everyone participated and contributed to the study. We affirmed our Pastor’s statement that God is indeed ALIVE and can work in hearts and lives of people and He is listening to our prayers and involved in our lives. It is essential to believe the Holy Spirit is foundational to our belief and fellowship (Koinonia) is necessary.

Following our meeting we had light refreshments and beverages for our guests. They left us with the impression that they enjoyed the group and looked forward to next week.

I am expecting God to take us on our JOURNEY together with blessings and spiritual growth in the body of Christ. I give special honor to my wife who worked real hard to prepare our home for a wonderful, pleasant reception of our new group/family.

Thinking on Experience

As we have progressed in to the New Year I have been thinking a lot about life as I have come to experience it. This is not to say I am overly ecstatic or even disappointed. It is just some more of my pondering.

I can say that some of my life choices have not always been the best decisions. That being said, all of life is really a learning process. Hopefully I have learned through my years of living on this earth. Someone has said, “experience is the best teacher,” this could be in many instances.

When we do not get the lesson concept the first time “around the mountain or through the wilderness,” then most likely we will have go around or through it again. The repeated time(s) may be duplication or with slight variations of possible learning scenarios. My problem is remembering, especially if the mountain or wilderness is big.

Maybe it is like learning math, you do it over again if it is wrong so you can get the correct answer. Of course that is a textbook case, and life has so many more variables, including time, persons, events, etc. But maybe you get my meaning.

My stage of life right now is one of seeking inner peace regardless of who it pleases or displeases. By now I have learned quite succinctly that I cannot please everybody that I might desire to please. It is not that I want to bring offense to those around me, but I must have spiritual contentment in my soul. That presence of contentment by the Spirit will allow me to best deal with others I may come in to contact with. I will be pious in this vein of thinking because I do know the importance of my personal relationship with the Savior, Jesus Christ.

I could expound upon portions of Holy Scripture that is given in the Bible. Would this be considered Bible “thumping”? For some, I am sure this would be the conclusion. But if I use reason based on biblical principles and allow the Spirit in me to control my communication processes then I will be more readily received and understood. Conversion to understanding would be by that same Spirit for the receiving individual(s).

Do I have to stand in a pulpit or teach in a church building to minister? No! Again, no! The church is far more than a building or organization. We are to be our brother’s keeper by doing deeds that honor our Creator. I appreciate the facilities that serve as gathering places for those of like faith, but these are not the sole places of worship. Worship must begin in the heart with relationship and progress to the mind and become infectious. The infectious condition brings unity and eternal purpose, pleasing God.

My life has been good. I want to go on improving with right thinking, responsible ministry, and sensing the joy of my salvation. I desire to share through writing and verbalizing with all I may encounter. I admit my imperfections but I, like Paul the Apostle, want to strive towards maturity that will bring me safely to my eternal home.