Just Dealing With It

I’m wondering what I can ponder on today. There certainly are a lot of things on my mind but I’m not sure some of them are worth posting in a blog. It can even be that this particular post is of little value.

It has been hard to maintain the peace among those I consider family and friends. Of late it appears that several family members have become disgruntled with me over things I’ve addressed and expressed opinions about.  It is unfortunate for them to sever ties over such insignificant matters that they refuse to respond to. 

I find it really sad that these are ones who are spiritual and hold office and calling of ministry. What an example to set before your people. Of course the master of deception loves keeping them in his grip of self-righteousness.

I acknowledge that I could be in error in some of my opinions, but that should not give rise to isolating me from discussion and contact. There must be some guilt associated with my statements and fear to confront the possibility they are wrong.

It is true you cannot please all the people all the time.  I refuse to live under the pressure of trying to make everyone happy. And  I also find it true that you cannot  please even all of them. 

My character and integrity will not be compromised by me over trivial and inconclusive evidence. There will be those who will attempt to assassinate my character and integrity, but it will be God who will make the final decision. I must remain surrendered to Him.

I must just deal with it and be certain it doesn't control my future.

My Brother

I just received a phone call (July 22, 2013) telling me my second oldest brother had breathed his last breath on this earth. His pain has ended and he went to sleep to awaken for us no more. It hurts my heart, but at 90 years of age he had lived a full life. Lester, we will all miss you.

He was a troubled youth who gave my parents fits as well as the school teachers and school truant officer. He escaped the truant officer by joining the California Conservation Corp, working on trails in Sequoia National Park.  All his minor illicit activity was put to rest years ago when he moved to Santa Cruz, California to get away from the environment. Prior to that he served in the US Army and attained the rank of tech sergeant. He served the end of WWII in the Pacific and went to Korea for the remainder of his service.

During other Mother’s memorial service in 1973 he told my pastor that he was the black sheep of the family. But truly through the years his heart was transformed and he became tender toward the things of God. Religion was not his thing, but he understood relationship.

He fathered four boys and finally a daughter. His wife tolerated his behavior for over 60 years. She has taken his passing extremely hard. Our prayers go out to her.

He was the “White Lady” of Ocean Drive who thrilled the youth with his antics at the abandoned building on Ocean Street extension, just a short distance from the house. He drove the gang of kids up and down Beach Street in the “jeep boat” to the thrill of many. I was not part of these episodes but his boys and their cousins and friends were the experienced ones.

Gasoline wars were at their height in the 1950’s when he operated the Regal Station on Ocean Street. I remember the price at one time being as low as 25.9 cents a gallon. After selling the station he worked in construction until retiring.

He was a Waggonner. That ascribes to him the right to be stubborn and opinionated.

The last few years of his life were lived in much pain. He had adult onset of diabetes resulting in loss of his toes on one foot. He fell many times resulting in a broken hip. The last few months were the hardest. He was pretty much bedridden. Eventually his will to live diminished and God took him. All of his children got to be with Him on his last day along with some nieces and nephews.

He joins his two sisters and another brother along with mom and dad. Now there are two of us siblings remaining, ironically the oldest, aged 92 and the youngest, aged 67.

RIP, Les.

DRAMA

Well, I’ve just come through an astounding bit of drama. It seems as though social media opened a Pandora’s box of mess.

A family member came unglued over a social media post that was non controversial and responded in a defensive manner as though they had all the facts.  I in turn commented in defense of that commentator and caught more flak than a low flying B-25 over enemy territory.

After some short exchange I was quickly unfriended from the media source without explanation. I sent a private message via another media method and was bluntly told to leave them alone; so much for family and Christian love.  They told me they didn’t want my drama. Wow! What a pot!

The conclusion I draw from the whole scenario is, who cares for my input, so best just express it when I can and let the chips fall where they may.  I am entitled to my opinion and if it isn’t accepted then that becomes their problem. I can take the heat, but will defend my right to expression my opinion.

I have reserved myself and expressions far too long.  You can blame it on age, but I rather think I am wising up to those who think they know it all and are disrespectful of the human being I am. Maybe they will find peace with others of liberal mindedness and lack of respect. Birds of a feather flock together.

Enjoying the Journey With Little Things

Life is so full of hurry that we forget to stop and smell the roses. There is a need to return to a slower life, like children who have no cares and are dependent on elders to get them where they are headed.  Children observe little things along the way that seem so insignificant in whatever journey they are on. They seek the four leaf clover obscured by all the other grass on the ground, the tiny lady bugs, dandelions, shiny stones, and all sorts of irregularities along the path.

We get so involved in the humdrum of making a living. We are often bored out of our minds, failing to see the impact we can make through our routine workday. We struggle with the monotony of tasks without realizing it is a journey and this particular task is not our definitive goal but it can have rewarding times. The intermediate stages of production can interfere with our enjoyment of small things, we lose patience. Our tunnel vision keeps us looking only to the finality of life.

These things can bring frustration and unhappiness into our lives. We don’t like delay, we want to get there. Wherever “there” is remains a mystery that can only be revealed with observation of the little things along the way.

The journey through life has highs and lows. We need to be confident of a future and a hope, but concentrating on the end can often cause us to miss the beauty of small pleasures along the way. Take time to observe the little things that make up life and enjoy your journey. The rewards can be awesome and bring purpose to taking the journey. Take a lesson from the children.

Thinking

Well, here goes again . . .

Those scattered thoughts race through my mind. But I must say they don't really move as fast as they used to. Must be age.

The family issues are distressing at times when dealing with someone who has dementia, as is the case of my mom-in-law. There is strong opinions by family members and I have interceded on behalf of my wife to express some serious disappointment in their handling of matters. I truly belief they do not realize the ultimate consequences of their decisions. Time alone will tell. I remind my wife that they make their choices and will have to give account just as we will. We must leave it in God's hands for judgment.

The church we continue to attend and serve, Koinonia, is doing quite well I believe. Signs of progress are evident. In a large church some observations from my experience indicate a body led by sincere pastoral staff is where success comes. I wouldn't say there is perfection, but there is progress.

My work is stagnate but at least it is still there. Challenges do come and I enjoy assisting the clients I have. The staff are easy to work with in my office; the other office... well that's another story.

The end of the month we plan another road trip and visit to Disneyland Resort. Our dear friends are letting us once again take their RV. This is such a blessing and cuts the cost of our trip since the RV park is so much cheaper than a motel room for three nights.

And so my thoughts to compose are coming into "neutral" and I will place them in "park" and call it another post done.

Update

The past few weeks have been difficult for my mother-in-law referred to in my last post.

It seems as though the dementia has really taken a firm grip on her and she is deteriorating rapidly in her mental capacity. The frustration for my wife and I is over the probable instances leading to this incapacitation. Trying to comprehend her recent past life and concluding what brought her rapidly to this stage is frightening and angering as well. She remains in a skilled nursing facility that is two hours away for us.

The good news is the finallity in our son's situation. He now is free to move to the next level of relationship. The matter was costly but well worth the expense. It just seemed to take excessively too long for the matter to conclude. We are going to celebrate with another trip to DLR the end of May.

We are going to enjoy life. My wife and I will celebrate 30 years of marriage this July. I think it will be spent at the "Happiest Place on Earth", although that is subject to change.

My wife finally got her hair cut in a new do that was over due. I love it.

We have resigned from one of our assignments for the church as First Impressions team leaders. I felt it to be in our best interest to do so and concentrate on other areas of ministry. We still are part of the prayer-team and serve as Journey Group coaches. And I will be involved in Starting Point in the summer.

I'm waiting for news on my employment grant for 2014. It is delayed because of all the government budget junk going on. Being unsure of next year is creating some anxiety about our future.

All said and done, life goes on.

For My Mother-in-law

I met my mother-in-law over 30 years ago shortly after I was introduced to my wife to be, Carolyn.  She was a woman who was soft-spoken, but established in her faith in God.  I did not have any fear of her with respect to my relationship that was going to be established with her only daughter. Her real strength was in her relationship with God. The Word of God was ingrained in her life and she demonstrated it in the best way she knew how.

I saw a kind and gentle woman who had taken her “knocks” in life and survived. Her wealth was in her family. Losing a husband at a very young age took its toll, but she maintained her faith.

I loved to tease her about being her “favorite son-in-law” and that was safe since I was her only son-in-law.  Her gentle chuckle was always a response I looked forward to. I would also tease her about her “boyfriend” knowing full well that this was not even a consideration, maybe with the exception of one name which will remain anonymous.

She lived alone most of the 30 years, with a few years devoted to taking care of her own mother. As events have unfolded in the last few years her health has deteriorated and now she is suffering from dementia. This terrible disease takes her memory and hurts the family so very deeply, but our hope lies in the precious memories of what she contributed to us on a personal level.

I could not have asked for a more understanding and better mother-in-law. She never mistreated me and to the best of my knowledge she never spoke ill of me. Her character and integrity precedes her dementia and I must focus on those positive things.

I do not know how long she is destined to live on this earth in the present state. There is always possibility for the miraculous. For Carolyn, Micah and I there is a future that will be glorious one way or another.